Yaye's Movie Report: Steer Clear of This Watery Tart!

I'll get right to the point. Lady in the Water is a wretched, unholy mess. I am a big M. Night Shyamalan fan, and I even stuck with him through the uneven terrain of The Village, but this is beyond the pale. Shapeless, lifeless, meaningless drivel. PLEASE do not see this movie! Despite the excellent poster (stage right), capable cast (except for Shyamalan himself in a self-aggrandizing heroic role), and dearth of original movie ideas in the theater this summer, this soggy b***h needs to die a swift and bloody death!

Why the vitriol? Read the first three paragraphs of Roger Ebert's review and you'll get some idea.