Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Teeth-halay-llulah

3 hours in a dental chair with a brand new dentist. Lots and lots of Novocaine with a few laughs in between. Tallulah here representin' West Virginia and her first visit to a dentist since sadly her family dentist passed away a few years ago. RIP the DDS of North Hollywood, CA.

I have a GREAT dentist here! No pain well maybe some...but he was quite liberal with the libation that is Novocaine AND I didn't even feel the shot...what I did feel was the molten rubber that replaced those roots of yesteryear...molten rubber...can't be good but what sweet relief.

A root canal is the weirdest thing, not that I've ever been through but pretty damn close. Strange little files that I could feel going deep up into my face and then the filing sound in my brain...Body snatchers is all I could think of (Parco remember the Wings Coming Up video). While in the chair I kept seeing him shake his head in an ominous way, finally I held up my hand and tried to say : Doth...wha ih wrah ah Eye difor (translate that to: Doc what is wrong am I deformed)? He couldn't help but try to contain his giggle.

Kindly he said: No but I think your roots are much longer than the average 20-25mm.

So he kept prodding with longer and longer (what looked to me as sewing machine needles). That's when he said: 30 mm for 2 and 31 for 1. So it turns out that I'm just as deformed up in the teeth roots as I was in the uterus (uterine horn plus a uterus that was in the shape of Arkansas but I digress HOWEVER I did exclaim this thought out loud which I will not translate into Novocaine speak BUT it did ease the tension between dentist, dental assistant and patient with very loud chortles).

After all was said, done and paid for. I asked the dentist had he ever seen anyone with roots as long as mine? He said one other and he had to transfer the guy to a specialist as he did not have anything that long before. (insert Monty Python sketch...how long is it? That's a very personal question - which of course I mentioned AND he GOT IT!) So then I said...was the guy born before 1967 he couldn't answer that (HIPAA and all).

You may be thinking why did I say that? My first thought was, if the guy before me had longer roots in his teeth and was born around the same time give or take 7 years could this be 1. a deformity 2. evolution.

So of course in my bible belt community without thought to what anyone may believe I blurted out: Doth, you (drool) ma wha to wri abou iss....Translate to: Doc, you may want to write about this, this could be a sign of evolution. See if after 1940 there is an increase in tooth root length.

His eyes lit up.

I said maybe there is a correlation (This type of thought pattern is because I've been working on some serious web development functionalities for months now) Then to just make matters worse I blurted: who knows maybe in years to come instead of hair there will be teeth roots ....maybe that was the Novocaine talking. And then again maybe his eyes lighting up was just that he knew this newbie in West Virginia from California was certifiably insane.

Glad to be crazy, wacky, kooky...If I wasn't I'd of slit my wrists years ago.

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5 Comments:

Anonymous Ei-hor Om said...

molten rubber.... evolution..... tooth roots in the future...

i am a happy reader! :D

i do hope you are surviving your bionic upgrade. do you have any dental superpowers now?

7:12 PM  
Anonymous Thalooo said...

Yes...

I can eat more than I ever thought possible I am SuperEater

3:33 PM  
Anonymous yaye said...

I vote for evolution!! Oh you pretty thing, homo sapiens have indeed outgrown their use!

I am very glad that the worst of this is behind you.

9:38 PM  
Anonymous Tallu said...

You say you want an evolution

Within 6 weeks my teeth issues will be finalized. My medical filling (mmmm medical filling with strawberry flavor mmmmm flavor) will be removed and replaced with proper mmmmmm filling then a crown will be placed on top of that (I want diamonds and rubies and cheese - mmmmmm cheese). All in the name of not wanting to extract a flippin' molar.

11:00 PM  
Anonymous Lyf "not gonna talk about snape in this post" said...

Oh Ms. Tallu - you were so ahead of your time:

http://scienceline.org/2007/02/05/ask-cooper-wisdomteeth/

You CAN blame your evolutionary ancestors.....

8:36 PM  

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