Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Best Diet Ever 10 pounds in 2 Tallulah

So, as our readers know, I live in the teeniest weeniest little town, not ever, but pretty darn close, in West by gawd Virginia. After living the majority of my life in Los Angeles I have moved to territory unknown. My life in LA as a kid was stable, well not stable, but stable enough that I had one dentist from the time I began to have teeth until the time I moved. And because I always had my teeth taken care of immediately, I never had major problems. Well I've had major problems like broken teeth...did you know that silver amalgam fillings swell as time goes by and cracks your teeth? I was a purveyor of cavities as a wee one, my mouth was full of the silver. But when I would get looked at back "home" regularly if there was a hairline crack it would be immediately remedied. Therefore I never experienced true teeth pain from cracked teeth.

Flash forward to June 2007...the only two people in my family that have a regular doctor or dentist is my son and Mr. T. I have not been sick so I have just been putting off basic health care. Not just because of my distrust of doctors and dentists, but I have no health insurance and it's damn expensive. It's not for lack of trying to have insurance, did you know that if you move to a rural area 45 minutes away from an emergency room, you can't get health insurance? Yeah, I didn't know that either until after I bought the farm...literally. I did finally find some, for $1200 per month with a $10,000 deductible...sadly that's more than I make some years in the freelance world. Oh and forget about dental insurance. But I digress

Three weeks ago, I was happily comfort eating popcorn, some shreds of cheese mixed with olives and watching Spinal Tap for the millionth time and I felt something "shift", it was slightly uncomfortable so I made an effort to be more careful with my bouts of binging bon bons and popcorn. I needed to anyway, my weight was getting away from me.

Within 24 hours there was sensitivity to hot and cold, by the end of the week I was reduced to sipping out of a straw, coffee is just not satisfying out of a straw. Week 2 began with searing pain and I decided it was time to act, I called a dentist that Mr. T liked he had a waiting list, I called a few more...waiting list, so I went back and put myself on the waiting list with Mr. Ts dentist. And now I wait for July 2nd.

I have lost 10 pounds, I have lost the ability to chew food normally When I actually put food in my mouth now it's eaten more like a lifesaver only on one side of the mouth and with the weird angle that I hold my mouth in so it doesn't touch the other side my jaw hurts constantly. I can no longer wear my nightguard - I'm a clencher, a cruncher and a late night muncher. My teeth that have broken have shifted.

I do not want to be toothless in West Virginia...nothing wrong with it but for me personally it's not an option.

So I wait for July 2nd only for the dentist to make a return appointment for what will clearly be the most expensive comfort eating binge I have ever had.


Anonymous yaye said...

Oh my Parquita!!!! You poor thing! Tooth pain is pure evil.

As you know, I had the opposite upbringing to yours when it came to medical/dental care. I first visited a dentist when I was 17 years old, and was stunned to find out that I had no cavities at all!

In the years since, with the exception of an episode with a 5th wisdom tooth and my two front teeth getting chipped in a car accident, I have fared pretty well. No cavities, no fillings.

HOWEVER, I do have a migrating tooth! My right-hand side eyetooth (upper canine) is attempting to usurp the incisor next to it. I've always had a wee gap between said eyetooth and the molar behind it, but that gap has now expanded into a cavernous gape, and the canine has transformed into a veritable fang. Now it's a Were-tooth!!

I don't want a freaking Were-tooth!Where's the pretty in that, Parco? I ask ya!

(And wolfy doesn't help me lose weight -- at least you got that out of it!)

8:56 PM  
Anonymous lyfie septoplasty rome said...

oh noes! it seems we both are in pain this week, but i suspect yours may be worse.... i would give you some of my vicodin but between the war on terror and the war on drugs, i am a feared to send any pharmacological product across state lines. :(

11:54 PM  
Anonymous Thalulah said...

I am so sorry about your pain Sir Lyfie Duke of Septoplasty, King of Rome.'s nice. I threw my back out 3 weeks before my broken teeth hence the reason why I was comfort eating, being unable to move is a horrible good...bad back bad...luckily it's the land of SSI sprinkled with happy doses of Vicodin here and a neighbor gave me a handful.

Oh do feel better, there's nothing worse than pain. I am beginning to feel like the old man in Life of Brian who hides the Peoples front of Judea or was it the Judean Peoples front in his apartment from the Romans. the king of Rome you may not want to know about that old man.

9:26 AM  

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