Yaye Laments the Trolling of Sheen

Schnark, You Say? I'll Give Ya Schnark!

I'm about to toss away any intellectual credibility I may have inadvertently accrued and expose myself as the part-time celebrity gossip loser I secretly am. Oh well.

Musta been about 1987. One of my saucy girlfriends was throwing yet another in a long string of parents-are-out-0f-town parties, no memory of where or when, but we thought it would be fun to invite Charlie Sheen. No, we weren't acquainted with the actor. But we lived in the same city (Los Angeles) and someone had gotten their hands on his contact info. We invited. He didn't show. No surprise. We were mildly bummed because we thought he was a cool cutie who would liven up the party.

Zoom forward to today. 2006. Nearly 20 years later. (Eeek!) On The Smoking Gun, I just read the detailed statement Denise Richards recently filed in support of the divorce and custody settlement she is pursuing with ol' Charlie. Yikes!! Now Tallulah will tell you, I always take these personal-gone-public stories with heaping handfuls of salt, withholding judgement until all the evidence is in. (Hell, I even withheld judgement against O.J. until the end of the trial!)

But I know Denise is telling the truth! I'm not saying this just because Charlie ignored me and my silly girly pals way back when. It's because the proof is in the pudding, my friend. Look at that face - that scary troll face he's built, leer by leer, over the past 20 years. This was once a verrrry cute boy back in his Ferris Bueller days, and as we know, he comes from some very cute genetic stock (Martin is still adorable). This is a tragedy and one that has been caused by some superlatively sleazy livin'!

My dear Parco, Tallulah, recently posted a most disturbing image of Keith Richards, whom she refers to as King Troll. But, you know, Keith never had much to work with in the looks department, he was dealt a tough hand. But Charlie and his other troll pals, Robert Downey, Jr. (oh the pain of including him in this company), Christian Slater and Billy Idol are walking, trolling cautionary tales of the costs of excess - sexual, alcoholic and chemical - because they were once luminously lovely boys who have devolved into skin-crawling, creepy creeps!

It ain't pretty, brothers and sisters. It ain't pretty.