It's was 22 years ago today - crime confession from Tallulah

While staining my decking today and listening to the radio (I love Randi Rhodes on Air America), I suddenly realized what day it was...June 16th. This day holds a very special spot in my memory banks. (sinc up Wayne and Garth doing a doodla doodla doodla)

It's 1983, I'm at the Lhasa Club in West Hollywood (near the old ice factory) seeing some bands smokin' clove ciggarettes wearing my retro go-go boots, mini skirt, flourescent green stockings and whatever else. My friends who I came with were tired and they wanted to leave. It was only 10:30 and my curfew was 12:30...I decided to hitch another ride with some other friends...9 boys to be exact, 2 were members of the band I was in, and 7 others were in the Rainbow Whale Association (they were a bunch of hackysak playin' neo hippie valley boys).

Sitting in back of a camper shelled toyota truck I was informed of the need to make a pit stop. I told them it was okay as long as I was home by 12:30 or else I wouldn't be able to see U2 the next night. I wasn't paying attention, but our pit stop was the Santa Monica Pier (several miles from the Lhasa). There was a bar at the end of the pier called Moby's Dock and at the top of it was an iron cast Whale. The Rainbow Whale boys decided that, that was the night they were going to take the whale from atop the bar and use it as a stage prop.

With no tools and only the decorative rope siding on the resteraunt, the boys shimmied up to roof and tried to wiggle the whale off it's bolts. I was standing by the truck as the "lookout". I wanted no part of this but I was stuck in the middle of the night on Santa Monica pier. The salt water had deteriorated the bolts so the whale was easily dismounted from the roof. Taking the rope siding and wrapping around the whale's belly, somehow the boys were able to lower this whale to the boardwalk. As I paced nervously by the truck, two of the boys scurried back to the cab and grabbed 2 sleeping bags, hurriedly unzipped them and ran to camoflauge the iron beast.

They were so close to the truck when the screeching sirens and blinking lights arrived. I was a deer in headlights. I heard a sickening thud - the sound of a sleeping bag wrapped whale hitting the old wood pier and echoing through the carousel. The boys dropped the whale and ran in 9 different directions...I was alone, standing by the truck with a whale on its side with duck and deer flannel sleeping bags carressing its gentle belly about 5 yards away. As I looked back there were many police officers with guns drawn...on me. Before I knew it I was flat on my belly with those horrible cable tie thumb handcuffs.

One by one they rounded up the boys. I remember crying hysterically and my arresting officer was Officer Bird - no sh*t! (Anyone remember Officer Bird the parrot or cockatoo) The boy I was in the squad car with, bless his heart, let me wipe my nose on his knee. (I haven't seen him since that night...I hope he's well)

After I was strip searched at the station, I was placed in a solitary cell directly across from the boys. I was absolutely beside myself in grief (not that I was in trouble with my mom, but that I would most certainly not be seeing U2). The boys felt bad for me because they knew I wanted no part in their shenanigans so they all got together and lined up at the front of their cell and sang: You are so Beautiful to me......considering the fact that my eyes were swollen shut and I had a fountain of goo running from my nose, I thought it a nice gesture.

A few moments later, Officer Bird and another officer (who was kind of cute) took us all into a conference room. They were trying to hide their laughter when they told us that the charge (considering how much the whale was worth) was GRAND THEFT WHALE !!!! I believe we made Santa Monica History that night.

Because we were completely clean, no drugs or alcohol in our system the owners decided to drop all charges. Looking back, we were all so lucky that it was clean livin' night. My mom was absolutely horrified and dismayed...turns out by the time I got home the next morning from jail, I had only wished the only thing I would miss out on was U2. However, when I had to go back the following week to meet with a judge, alone, he noted that I should get more girlfriends and to be careful with whom I galavant with.

So cheers to the Rainbow Whale Association and Ulcer. May you all be parents of teenagers today, and hopefully your teenagers are all girls!